"You wanna know how you know He is real, she asks?" Her head turned a little toward the ground a little towards me. Eyes that look tired yet full of light and hope, a face that looks hard yet full of joy and life. "I know because I'm not who I used to be." I can hear in her voice that she is about to cry.
It's 5pm and I am standing outside my house thinking of all the things I need to be doing...dinner, helping with homework, folding those clothes that I have re-started in the dryer at least three times. I'm standing with a sweet neighbor that I've come to know well over the past few months. I will call her "Jane." Jane is one of our many neighbors that spends a lot of time on her front porch and always waves when we drive by. She dropped by tonight to show me her new sewing project. She is going to start selling pillows that she makes to help make money and she wanted to know what I thought of the latest ones. I enjoy her company but still making that mental list in my head of what I need to be doing.
And that is when she stops out of the blue and ask me the question. "You wanna know how you know he's real...?" She reminds me of her favorite date, March 12, 2013. That is when she was saved. She tells me once again the story of how she dropped to her knees and cried out to God to save her. You see Jane has been addicted to drugs and alcohol for the better part of 35 years. And on March 12th she walked away from it all. She has not turned back since even though a lot of people who she used to call friends have turned their back on her.
I look up at her as tears flow down her face. "These are tears of happiness Carrie. I cry because I'm happy and free now." There is no way she could know that just this morning I sat down with my Bible and told God I felt kind of blah and distant from him. That I knew He was there but I was struggling a little feeling authentic in my faith.
I tell Jane that she is a beautiful picture of redemption. Her face lights up and she takes a deep breath in shaking her head back and forth. "I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be alive with all I've done. Did you know I roamed the streets for years doing, saying and being things I shouldn't been?"
"That's how I know Carrie, that's how I know. I'm not who I used to be and nothing else could explain it."
Thunder rolls in the distance and as the sun still shines a few rain drops fall. Jane looks up at the sky, smiles and looks back at me. I tell her I know exactly what she means.
We both know He is real. So real we can feel Him.