Monday, June 24, 2013

One Track Heart and Mind

I’m not sure why it takes me leaving the country to make everything in my brain and heart line up correctly but it does. I get out of whack here in the US or at least my priorities do. I get into routine, comfort, and expectations for what I believe should be normal and it all goes south. And impressively fast.

But for some reason when I step my foot off of the plane in Honduras each summer it all comes flooding back. Refreshing me with peace that passes all understanding. 

And I remember. I remember with my very heart what it means when Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  I get to smell, touch and see those who are by all the world’s standards poor but yet very, very rich in what matters.

And I see. I see that I don’t know hunger. As I step out of a van into trash, human waste, and decay I see a child about 11 months of age. No shoes, no diaper, and a tattered shirt, waiting patiently in line to receive a meal from our team. Possibly the only meal that has not been retrieved from someone's trash in quite some time.

And it rips my heart out to see and to know that I become impatient if my meal takes more than 15-20 min in a restaurant. To think that I flippantly say, “I’m starving” if I’ve gone more than about 4 hours without a meal. Yet, this child waits patiently, not complaining, and with a smile on her face. Grateful. And I yearn to be hungry like this. Hungry to the depths of my soul, hungry to sacrifice what I think I deserve, hungry to give until I’m uncomfortable. Hungry to always know my need for Jesus.

And I feel. I feel with a deep empathy that rolls like thunder through my mind, body and soul. It causes me to cry. A lot. Tears of joy at seeing other believers who love Jesus with a fire and passion that I crave to have.

Tears of happiness at seeing a boy who does not carry our last name on his birth certificate but who has his name branded on our hearts. A boy who knows how to embrace life with arms wide open despite abandonment that left them empty not so long ago.

Tears of sorrow for so many that stare into hopelessness day after day. Tears of need for a woman that hands me her infant and says, “please take her to the U.S.” Not because she doesn’t love her baby girl but because she does. So very much.

And I’m overwhelmed and humbled. Overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that whispers to my heart, “don’t forget this time.”  Humbled by a God that would come down to this earth so that this would not be the end. That created a way for us to live for something beyond ourselves. To give a purpose, a hope and a future. To have me come undone so that I might come together with a one track heart and mind. 

So that I don’t just remember, see and feel in Honduras but that I keep those things in line regardless of where my feet stand.

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next.” –C.S. Lewis