Braxton and I have been married for a little over 16 years
now. We started dating in 1992, which means we have been dating and married for
21 years now, more than half my lifetime or his. Our marriage is not perfect by
any means, we have our moments, but our good moments far outweigh our bad.
My sweet sister and her husband Andy just celebrated 5 year
of marriage on Friday. I started thinking about them this weekend and thinking
through what my one piece of advice would be on this 5-year mark.
Here is what I texted her. “Don’t forget to be his
girlfriend. It is easy to be his wife most days, to just do what needs to be
done, to do what you have to do, but from time to time stop and ask yourself if
you are loving, supporting, encouraging, and treating him like you did when you
were just his girlfriend.”
You see when I was Braxton’s girlfriend I was his biggest
fan, cheerleader, and encourager. I would send him a hand written note about
once a week, I would see his favorite snack or candy and immediately buy it and
go leave it in his car or in his mailbox. I would brag about him to others
about how smart, kind, and affectionate he was. I would find ways to honor him
and I always made sure he knew how much I adored him. I would clean his duplex
with a cheerful heart not complaining about where underwear was left or how
much toothpaste was left in the sink.
I always made sure I looked my best when I was going to see
him for the first time in a day or two. I brushed my teeth, hair and made sure
I had on at least a little makeup. Not because he expected it but because I
loved him and I wanted to do my best to show him that.
I would lay down my rights regularly and eat where he wanted
to eat, not argue about things that weren’t worth arguing about, watched some
action movies that I probably would not choose on my own. And again not because
he made me or expected it but out of a heart of love and just wanting to be
with him.
And then marriage, life, 3 kids, 2 wayward pets, jobs,
etc…got in the way. And it is easy to just do the mundane and just get through
each day to make it to the next. Laundry is done, the house is picked up, kids
are shuffled from one place to the next, and sometimes a little begrudgingly.
Not always with a heart of love or an attitude of gratefulness. It is easy to
nag, complain or think about what you would rather be doing. It is easy to find
myself complaining to my friends about what he doesn’t do instead of all the
things I love about him.
I truly believe this is where a lot of marriages start to go
south. I get it and I can see how
it happens. But I don’t think it has to be this way. If we can just remember as wives to be their girlfriend
again. And here is the great secret I have found, the minute we start to do
that they start to act like our boyfriends again.
Happy Anniversary Lauren and Andy! We love you both! Every year from 5 on has been better than the one before for Braxton and I and I am praying the same joy, fun, and laughter in your marriage.
