One Track Heart and Mind

I’m not sure why it takes me leaving the country to make everything in my brain and heart line up correctly but it does. I get out of whack here in the US or at least my priorities do. I get into routine, comfort, and expectations for what I believe should be normal and it all goes south. And impressively fast.

But for some reason when I step my foot off of the plane in Honduras each summer it all comes flooding back. Refreshing me with peace that passes all understanding. 

And I remember. I remember with my very heart what it means when Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  I get to smell, touch and see those who are by all the world’s standards poor but yet very, very rich in what matters.

And I see. I see that I don’t know hunger. As I step out of a van into trash, human waste, and decay I see a child about 11 months of age. No shoes, no diaper, and a tattered shirt, waiting patiently in line to receive a meal from our team. Possibly the only meal that has not been retrieved from someone's trash in quite some time.

And it rips my heart out to see and to know that I become impatient if my meal takes more than 15-20 min in a restaurant. To think that I flippantly say, “I’m starving” if I’ve gone more than about 4 hours without a meal. Yet, this child waits patiently, not complaining, and with a smile on her face. Grateful. And I yearn to be hungry like this. Hungry to the depths of my soul, hungry to sacrifice what I think I deserve, hungry to give until I’m uncomfortable. Hungry to always know my need for Jesus.

And I feel. I feel with a deep empathy that rolls like thunder through my mind, body and soul. It causes me to cry. A lot. Tears of joy at seeing other believers who love Jesus with a fire and passion that I crave to have.

Tears of happiness at seeing a boy who does not carry our last name on his birth certificate but who has his name branded on our hearts. A boy who knows how to embrace life with arms wide open despite abandonment that left them empty not so long ago.

Tears of sorrow for so many that stare into hopelessness day after day. Tears of need for a woman that hands me her infant and says, “please take her to the U.S.” Not because she doesn’t love her baby girl but because she does. So very much.

And I’m overwhelmed and humbled. Overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that whispers to my heart, “don’t forget this time.”  Humbled by a God that would come down to this earth so that this would not be the end. That created a way for us to live for something beyond ourselves. To give a purpose, a hope and a future. To have me come undone so that I might come together with a one track heart and mind. 

So that I don’t just remember, see and feel in Honduras but that I keep those things in line regardless of where my feet stand.

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next.” –C.S. Lewis

My Desire to be a Good Rester

Emma Sanders is finishing up JK this week. She has had a schedule of 5 days a week, 3 half and 2 full. On her full days they have "rest" time. This means they lay quietly on their mat and can either sleep or just lay quietly. Sometimes the teacher plays soft music or a story for them to listen to. There have been many days that ES has gotten in the car and said, "I was not a good rester today." To which I reply, "what does that mean?" She will tell me about how she couldn't be still or just had to talk to the friend resting next to her. But there have also been days that she says, "I was a great rester today." Then she explains how she was quiet and still, she either fell asleep or she just lay quietly listening to the music or story. The ironic part is that the days she tells me she has been a good rester she is always in a better mood in the afternoon. She is not near as dramatic and whiny as the days when she did not rest well. And I get it. And more importantly I think in this season of my life the Lord is teaching me to be a good rester. My heart's desire is to rest well but I struggle with my fleshly desire to move, talk to a friend next to me, sometimes just flip and flop in anxiousness. I mean good grief I get testy when the spinning rainbow pops up on my computer telling me to wait a minute before it can open a program. So sit still and rest are not two things I do naturally well.

There have been some transitions lately in our life with friends moving, Preston moving on to high school, just life really. And there will always be those, I think sometimes more than others. But what I want is to be a good rester in the middle of it. I don't want to try to control, move, talk, or force things to go my way. And I think what I am learning most importantly is that I don't want to rush to the next thing just to get out of what feels hard or uncomfortable.  I want to learn what it really looks like to be still in the midst of chaos, change, and to listen to the soft music that our Father plays in the background through his creation, to listen to him tell me with his peaceful quiet voice a story, the story he has laid out before me, the perfect plan he has, one step at a time.

And just like my 5 year old daughter on the days that I am not a good rester I am way more dramatic, antsy, and just down right whiny. And quite the opposite, the days that I rest well are the days that I walk with peace and joy trusting in the goodness of the promises of my King.

Mark 6:31 And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest a while."

Psalm 37:7  Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him

Coming out of a blog fog: Snapshot of a Year

Holy Cow it has been a year!! A whole year since I blogged. And truthfully what happened was we got busy and I lost track of time and then I felt overwhelmed by how much had happened and didn't feel like I could write about it all so I just stopped altogether. At least that is part of what happened. A lot of what happened is that I lost 47lbs and went on a journey of finding a lot of things that Christ was teaching me about self worth, image control, and who I really am. And I didn't blog during that time because I was in a way, protecting myself. A lot of what I was feeling made me feel vulnerable and I didn't want to put that out in the open. So here is a quick run down of the past year:

Braxton became the Chaplain for the University of Memphis football team and we spent last fall investing in football players and in a program that we have grown to love. The coaches, the wives, the players, the mascot. All of it. Even when everyone else turns a cold shoulder we stand tall and proud beside them. We saw the hearts of a lot of these 19-20 year olds and their coaches and when you truly see and know someone's heart you don't get mad at them because they lose a game. We look forward to another great fall with them! Go Tigers!

Preston played football and basketball for ECS, he is currently finishing up 8th grade and headed into High School. So weird. And yet so exciting. He will start driving with his learner's permit this summer and I have started taking blood pressure medicine and spent a lot of time on my knees praying.

Bennett turned 10 this past year! He played flag football and basketball and is looking forward to starting the 4th grade next year. He got to go on his birthday experience trip with his dad to New York. They had a great trip and had many great memories and stories to tell.

Emma Sanders turned 5 in November. She will be in Sr K next year and played in her first organized sport of soccer this Spring. Braxton coached and that almost caused us to land in marriage counseling. And quiet honestly this will have to be a blog post of its own. Bad part is I only have 3 pictures and none of them are action shots. It is hard to take action shots when you are laughing your head off. Truly, great entertainment for the whole family. We look forward to many more years of her playing or just looking cute in that uniform.

Kevin. I don't even know where to start. And part of me doesn't want to say all that I feel because it makes me cry. Like ugly cry. Kevin is a precious 6 year old boy that has come into our hearts and lives. He lives in Honduras but yet he is a Brady by all intents and purposes. We were privileged to have him come into our home for the month of December last year and it has forever changed us. We are leaving in about a week and a half to go back to Honduras and we will spend time with him there. Our hope and prayer is that we will continue our relationship with him.

901 hats. Braxton has a heart bigger than I could ever tell you and he is a great visionary. You put those two things together and you get one amazing man. So he had this idea to combine our love for the city of Memphis and for Honduras/Kevin. So we along with the help of a few people created a 901 hat. All proceeds go to POI www.poihn.org (the ministry that Kevin is a part of) to either help with us getting to Honduras, getting Kevin here or just supporting Point of Impact. Check out the whole story here www.wear901.com we have been blown away by the response. Thank you to all who have bought a hat or t-shirt. Truly we are grateful.

Braxton turned 40. Or half of 80. :) I love my husband so much and am so grateful to do life with him. He truly makes a better person. We got to spend a great long weekend at the beach with great friends and celebrated life! I look forward to the back half of 40 with my sweet man, especially since I am 3 years younger.

We are winding down on the 2012-2013 school year. This summer is going to be filled with trips, memories, and some great family time. Looking forward to blogging about it!

30-Fine

Last week Braxton turned 39! My sweet husband is so many things to our family. He is a leader, encourager, challenger, tickle monster to Emma Sanders, supporter, comedian, etc... We were excited to celebrate him last week.

My friend Erin is possibly the kindest person on the planet. Not even joking. She can find a smile and a rainbow in just about any situation. If you know her and her story can I get an Amen? Well she also encourages people well and so for Braxton's 39th she kept saying, he is turning thirty-fine not thirty nine. I can't wait to see what she comes up with for 40.

So I thought it would be fun to have a few of our friends over with some pizza, cake and ice cream. I also thought it would be funny to put Happy Thirty Fine on the cake. Sometimes things are funnier in my head than in real life.

I went to Kroger and picked out the cake and proceeded to take it to a lady who might have had the worst day at Kroger ever. I don't know this for sure but her face, body language everything told me her top 10 places to be that day were not behind the counter of the Kroger Deli/Bakery. I smiled and said, "Can you write Happy Birthday Thirty Fine on this cake?" I then proceeded to explain to her how funny my friend Erin is and how we have this inside joke about how he is not turning 39 but thirty fine...blah blah blah.

Her expression did not change one single time the entire conversation. Not even when I was laughing. Stoic. Then she said, "You want me to put Thirty Fine on this here cake?" Insert me laughing, that embarrassed chuckle of a laugh more than the "you don't think this is funny do you?" laugh.

I just said, "Yes Ma'am" and walked away. I picked up a few other items in the store and in my head picturing this being done to the cake. "Happy Thirty-Fine Birthday"

This is what I got:

And along with it a stoic face and greeting of "this what you wanted?" To which I responded, "Exactly." Mainly because I thought it was funny but also because I'm pretty sure she was packin.

Now according to where you put the coma on this bad boy you could read it many different ways.

Happy 30, fine. Like fine you turned 30, so what.
Happy 30 Fine'  Maybe she misunderstood me and thought I was telling her someone's name. You know, like Finay.
Happy 30 fine! You did a fine job of turning 30.

I am not sure what she was thinking but she did not get the joke but for us it was one of the funniest memories ever.

Happy Birthday Fine' we love you more than you could ever know.